3 Things that can be helpful for a Marriage 

Who doesn’t like to come home and find a peaceful atmosphere? Who doesn’t like to experience a welcoming feeling after a long day of work? It’s wonderful to have a love nest full of the joy of the Lord. However, now a days that’s not the case of many households. 

I want to share some things I’ve learned to do on a regular basis to keep things vibrant in my home. Being able to understand them has given me excellent results. There are many things to take in consideration when talking about a well balanced marriage. I will only mention three for now. Here I go. 

1. Don’t compete with your spouse. 

There are circumstances where competing is totally feasible and appropriate. NOT in marriage though. Your God given partner is not your opponent nor is the person for you to compare yourself with. In fact, don’t compare him or her with anybody. Your spouse should be your friend, it’s the person that has your back. You should look after each other, support each other’s strengths and bear with each other’s weaknesses.

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:21‬ ‭NIV‬‬

This next verse is applicable to men also. 

“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭14:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

If you apply wisdom to what you say and do to your spouse, it will surely keep you from a lot of trouble. Simple. THINK before reacting or before saying anything with the potential to harm and hurt. Don’t let your ego get the best of you. (Self Control).

2. Be Intentional. 

The nice things God puts in your mind about your spouse are for you to say and not to keep them to yourself. 
For instance, one day I noticed my husband putting the dirty socks in the basket in a peculiar way, it surely made my life easier for laundry purposes. So I went and told him how much I appreciate what he did to keep the socks together for them not to get lost.

This is such a small event that it’s easy to think about it and not say a thing. But, if you are intentional with your spouse, you will use any excuse to express how much you appreciate and love him or her. 

One of the most powerful tools to keep your marriage vibrant is to be intentionally good to your spouse

Use your imagination! You should know what your spouse likes. If you don’t know how to express it, ask God to give you strategies. He will show you the way. 

3. Don’t expect from your spouse what only God can give you. 

“Give Caesar what is Caesar’s and God what is God’s” (Lk.20:25)
. To put a person in God’s place can be devastating for a marriage. Only the Lord can completely fill the the deepest void in a human soul. No man or woman has the ability to do that. The amount of pressure put on a person is overwhelming when the spouse is expecting the unconceivable. It either ends up in divorce or in a very bitter marriage, full of resentment, un-forgiveness and hurt. 

That’s why the Lord wants us to search for Him first. Through Him we get everything we need (Mat.6:33). Jesus is the only one capable to fill everything in every way (Ef.1:22-23). Only He provides fullness of joy (Ps.16:11). This is what gives you the freedom to give without expecting to receive in an unhealthy way. 

Take a look at how Paul prays for Ephesus. 

“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,” 

Ephesians‬ ‭3:14-20‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Notice how BIG is that love he talks about. IT SURPASSES OUR KNOWLEDGE. It is impossible to expect it from a human being. You will desire to serve the person you love and not expect back the impossible, only if your priorities are in the right place.

 The Lord becomes your primary source giving you the freedom to love unselfishly. It’s a love that doesn’t consume you; it guards you from becoming unhealthily codependent. 

I pray this post be useful to you. I will leave you with this word. I know you have probably read it many times. Though, I’m asking you to read it one more time with discernment and meditation. 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

A prayer for your Marriage. 

Lord I lift before you the spouse that’s reading this post. I ask for restoration, unity and favor over their marriage. I ask for You to come in the midst of them and give them wisdom and eyes to see SOLUTION. I pray for their hearts to be enlightened to acknowledge the truth. Transform and renew them Lord. In Jesus name, Amen. 


Jireh Gerch

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7 thoughts on “3 Things that can be helpful for a Marriage 

  1. So I’m just crazy about my wife. She’s just amazing and she is extremely good at being calm, logical, and wise with her words in stressful situations, She’s good because God made her that way. And honestly, I wasn’t so great at what she was good at. Over the years, God has used what he made her excel in to raise me upward and mature me. I’ve been matured more spiritually in Jesus through my wife than any other person.

    Also, on 3) I think you are very right. Our spouses are amazing gifts from God. But at the end of the day, my wife is not the fulfillment of my heart’s desires. She’s just not. She can’t be the thing that I have been pining for, craving for, longing for over decades of my life. She’s just not that. I think she’s the most amazing woman in the world to me, but only God can be those things for me. It’s hard to see someone take those priorities out of order and place that responsibility upon the spouse. Because then one spouse expects the other to basically be God to them, and no one can fulfill those expectations for another person. My love for my wife flows freely out of my passionate love relationship with Jesus.

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    1. Amennnnn your marriage is the perfect picture of balance because of Jesus. This is a BIG blessing to cherish because it is a gift from God to be able to understand it and live it. This is my second marriage, I have experienced both aspects of the scale in my own flesh. Believe me, I AM HAPPY now. But I cried hard in my first experience. Through that pain I draw close to the Lord in a deep way. He restored me and then the Lord gave me the blessing that is my husband now. There is no words to express how happy I am. So much peace is breathed in my home. I cry because I’m just so grateful. God had mercy on me and saw me with love taking me out before I die of sadness, even though I didn’t understand back then NOW I see how much love he showed me. Therefore no one is above my Lord. I love my husband the way I do because I love Jesus the way I do. Just like you say. 😁

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      1. That’s so awesome that God has brought you to this place in your marriage and your life! Thank you for sharing your story! God has really done some amazing work in you!

        God had a lot of work to do in me to get me there. I lived a very solitary life before I met my wife. I actually never dated before her, I never even held a girl’s hand. I was a complete nerd, socially awkward, but I was madly in love with Jesus. And I just spent my days going to school and falling deeper in love with Jesus every day. I was at the point where I could have cared less about ever marrying and wanted to be a monk for the rest of my days this side of heaven. God had other plans, but I think his point was that I am content, joyful and happy because I am in love with Jesus, not because I get things in this life that are desirable like a wife, children, etc. Plus those lonely times with him are sweet memories I have tucked away that I can remember what it is like to be in a torrid love affair alone with just Jesus, which is amazing!

        I think about Psalm 37:4, Delight yourself in Yahweh and he will give you your heart’s desires. I see a lot of people who take that verse as saying, “Obey and honor God and then somewhere down the line, when you are ready, he will give you what you want…” which is typically a spouse. But I don’t think that’s the point, at least it’s not for me. The deepest desires of my heart can only be fulfilled in an intimate relationship with Jesus, my Beloved. There’s no way my wife, or any woman for that matter, could ever fulfill the unending desires of my heart. Never. The reason is because God designed us with unending desires to be fulfilled by an unending God, Jesus himself. I think he does give us good gifts and loves it when we love each other, that’s the second great commandment, and he loves us being in families, Psalm 68:6 God places the lonely in families, but he doesn’t want to be just the Lord that the family pays tribute to and serves; he wants to be the head of the family, living in the house, deeply intimate with everyone under that roof, involved in everything, and the desire of that family’s hearts.

        Great stuff! I love talking about relationships with Jesus and marriage. Is such great stuff because marriage is the next step we are going with Jesus at the wedding of the Lamb. It’s a foretaste of our life in heaven, heaven on earth!

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      2. Oooh wow! Reading you and all I could think of is, The Lord has kept you, the Lord has protected your heart for Himself. Even though we both have different backgrounds I feel that the closer you get to God the more awkward we can be to what happens outside. Even though I’m married and love my hubby, he knows I need to be by myself. I spend most of my time by myself and instead of driving me crazy I actually like it. It is something I’m trying to work on cause I know I have the tendency to isolate myself. Though this is the time I use to be in His presence. “Our spouses bring balance to our lives” just received that😮.

        About Psalm 37:4 only the people that truly delights in Him find themselves in a position where their desires are God’s desires.
        Like, God has promised me many things being one of them having children. Which if I were someone else I would be desperate cause I’m almost in my 40s (well 38 to be exact). But no, my greatest priority deep in my heart is to know Him better. To experience Him and be one with Him. It burns inside of me. I know I will have children no matter the age cause God already said it, it doesn’t worry me a bit. For the only thing that I have seen myself crying for is for more of Him. How crazy!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Oh that’s awesome! I kept thinking this is exactly how I feel as I read your comment. I’m the same way, the closer I get to him, the more awkward I am with the world. I used to go on dates with God on Friday nights before I met my wife. How odd would the world think that is? I’d just go down to starbucks and drink coffee and pray and read and listen to music. Oh it was just magical! 🙂 I love being by myself, because I’m not, I’m just alone with the most important Person in my life, Jesus. And just like any normal relationship, you have to have one-on-one time to cultivate intimacy and deepen love with that person. I think we are definitely on the same wavelength with the Spirit in that manner 🙂

        I loved what you got from the Spirit in that our spouses bring balance to our lives. So the awkwardness brought one thing i really desired, and that was to be in community with others. Being married to my wifey has made me more into an extrovert than an introvert and I’m comfortable being with others and developing relationships. Which is the second great commandment. So I am definitely way more balanced because of everything Jesus has done to me through my wife!

        I can really testify to what you said about not worrying about something you want, because you end up really just wanting more of God. I’ve been there many times, and it is very refreshing to do that. It’s cleansing, because you realize your desires are not for any certain thing in the world, but are finding fulfillment in God! Which is perfect! To experience him and be on with him, it definitely burns inside me too. That passion for oneness with him is more than anything else. I’ll pray too for you to have abundant faith and trust until he brings you to motherhood!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Amennn brother thank you so much for your prayers in advance🙌🏽
        So awesome to see that the Lord has given you the power to be an extrovert. I’m still working on it. The closer I get to the Lord the more deliverance I experience, therefore I know I will be able to be completely open. The writing helps. I never thought I could be here talking about relevant things haha. Even though I know relatively many people only I’m only close to few.

        Brother God has been good to us! I feel so grateful 😊 we will conquer with Him every territory the Lord puts in front of us.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Amen sister! Well it sounds like you’re right where he wants you! And amen, he has been very good to us! And you’re so right, we’ll conquer it all with him and become what he created us to be, which is sons and daughters of himself, and his Bride.

        God bless Jireh! It’s always uplifting to get to talk with you in the Spirit on here sister! Hope you have a blessed rest of your day in his Presence! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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